Feeling Wonderfully Small

It is now Saturday September 3rd and Emari and I have been back in Raglan since Thursday evening after spending all day Thursday driving from Wellington up Surf Highway exploring the Taranaki Coast for surf which was plentiful but the winds were not right. Emari and I finished our "Summit to Sea" tour with Aspiring Guides five days ago and in all honesty I am still processing the whole experience and was reluctant to write this entry.

So before I hen peck this iPad with two digits reflecting on our tour it has been great to be welcomed back into Ste'en and Tonya's home and surf Raglan, Indicators yesterday and today. Yesterday the surf was quite good, 6-10 foot on the faces but I definitely struggled finding my place in the line up and only caught about five waves, though one of those waves was like catching 15 really good ones back home. Today Ste'en and I pulled and early dawn potrol for 2 hours and I actually found some rhythm but the surf had dropped to head high with some bigger sets.

On Thursday August 25, 2011 Emari and I arrived at the Aspiring Guides Office in Wanaka at approximately 8:15am, both with mochaccinos in hand where we met our guide Stefan and two others in our touring party, Dave from New Zealand who had some previous touring experience and Tony from the Czech Republic, now living outside of Sydney Australia who had both trekking and ski touring experience. Emari and I were simply green and raw, I was anxious....excited with all the uncertainty that laid before us.

First on the agenda was discussing touring options as a weather system was moving in from the West that in essence shut down the original plan of touring the west coast, likely that we would make the fly in and then be snowed in at a hut negating touring and riding. Although Emari and I were their for input we really had no idea what we signed up for and my two censt were to put us in a place where we can ride. We settled on Mt Cook, more specifically the Tasman Glacier would be our playground for five days.

Next on the agenda was the review of gear and all the extra gear Emari and I would need to rent from Aspiring Guides, down sleeping bags good down to zero degrees, transceiver, shovel and avalanche probes, boot cramp-ons, ice axe, not to mention the climbing harness that would be worn every time We left the hut. I was left with the following thought, "what the fuck did I sign Emari and I up for." More importantly with Emari only riding a season in a half, how would she fair? We loaded up the Aspiring Guides vehicle that would transport us to the Mt Cook airport where our Heli awaited us with all our gear. We parked the camper van in front of Whit's house who also works at Aspiring Guides. We were off to Mt Cook.

From Stefan's log he provided the following for day one: 25/08/11
Car, Wanaka - Mt Cook Vilage ; Helicopter, Mt Cook Village - Tasman Saddle Hut; LUNCH ; Ski/Board, Tasman Saddle Hut - Tasman Saddle (4km, 270m, return).

From my brain, all the gear was weighed, the scale was off 29kgs, but total weight was still under requirements to load up the Heli and fly to the Tasman Saddle. It was windy and the Heli seemed to float right up the Tasman Glacier like a humming bird.

So after the Heli dropped us off on the Tasman Saddle with all our gear we hiked our gear approximately 200 yards down an incline where the Tasman Hut sat on the edge of a cliff, actually strapped down with cables. The walk down into the hut was icy and steps were carved out in the ice but one slip could have resulted in falling to your death. Needless to say with my fear of heights I took it gingerly, complicating my fear where my blown-out Burton Hail boots with very worn tread! 

It appeared that we we not the only visitors to the hut, so we did our best to pick bunks that seemed unoccupied and began to put on our gear for our first outing which consisted of skinning along a lower ridge of the Tasman Saddle and taking our first run, untracked corn snow with some wind blown crust, the views were amazing, it was at this point when I first realized just how small I was. We needed to be mindful of two things, saving enough day light to skin back and the prospects of the forthcoming storm. I can remember feeling incompetent and slow as breaking down and putting a splitboard back together is at least a ten minute ordeal, the skiers were left waiting for us at every change-over but it was the best I could do, but I hated being the one others were waiting for. Of course I managed to turn this into few sarcastic and cynical lines. 

As my mate, Tim Parker would say,"you have to like to climb on those split boards!" Well Tim our first real skin out was challenging and humbling. Stefan, our guide picked a shorter but steeper ascent, and although we traversed back and forth, the upper third was quoted steep at 30- 35 degree pitch, the last few hundred yards were also crusty and icy. Stefan actually used his ice axe to create two little ski width tracks the last 100 yards. Complicating these steep traverses were our snowboard boots, mine quite soft and I would get an ankle roll, feeling muscles in my calves and shins I did not know existed. For me the upper part was sketchy because of the ice, crust and steepness...my fear of heights put me completely in the moment of one step at a time, like a painful walking meditation. This was definitely my first humbling experience of this tour, their would be many more to come. This climb out was physically challenging, I kept thinking, "a lot of good P90X and yoga has done me" followed with, "what an absolute nightmare this would be if you were not physically fit. Although trapped in my own personal struggle this was my first real glimpse of how amazing Emari was doing, she had a great first run and despite only riding a season in a half, never been on skis before she did an amazing job climbing out. We both arrived back at the hut right before dusk. I was tired and hungry. It was great to eat and meet the other guide at the hut, Al Moore and his two clients, a married couple from all places Stowe VT., Steve and Sharon. Over the next four evening their would be plenty of laughs over dinner. Did I mention the out-house you had to climb up into to piss and shit? I didn't think so, but also a journey with a head lamp at night......I may never complain of a cold toilet seat again. Sleeping in our zero degree down sleeping bag was the warmest I had been this entire trip  My sleep was broken by either driving nightmares or mountain nightmares, my brain probably never rested.

Friday August 26, 2011 at the Tasman Hut

Stefan's statistics for the day: 26/08/11
Ski/Board, Tasman Saddle Hut - Down Tasman Glacier (left side,200m 1km),up to Kelman Hut (360m,2.5km) ;LUNCH ; Ski/Board to Tasman Saddle Hut (2km, 135m)

We awoke around 7am, surprisingly no storm as of yet. Breakfast consisted of oatmeal/porridge with some sprinkled musli topped with fruit, hot tea and or as Stefan called it "cowboy coffee" made in a single pot adding hot water to coffee grinds let to steep and stir, after a few minutes cold water is dribbled around the inside edge of the pot causing the coffee grinds to settle. Fucking cool to be a cowboy on the Tasman Glacier. Game plan and gear was discussed and with the forecast storm it was best not to stray too far from the hut as no one wanted to return in a total white out. Standard gear was a climbing harness that everyone wore in case of falling into a crevase and/or to safely ascend/descend, transceiver, probe and shovel, boot cramp ons and an ice axe. Also included in our packs was two liters of water, sandwich and nibblies for lunch, some layering options, goggles and sun glasses.

A short walk put us on the left side of the Tasman Glacier, the steep ascent from the previous day with the 30-35 degree pitch. Riding rules were pretty simply, Stefan picked the line and we were told one of four things, stay to his right, stay to his left, keep behind him or open it up. This first leg was pretty wide open though down to the right were ice formations and crevasses. Up top was steep, one conservative heal side turn before laying out some turns in some great corn snow. In case you are wondering, Emari nailed it. I kept thinking, " damn, I think I finally picked the right one" or did she pick me? I looked back to see a small yard sale from Dave who had fallen and lost both skis. He was not hurt and in a few minutes he had gathered his gear and was off laying out a fresh line.

It would take a couple hours to climb back up the glacier and up into the Kelman Hut. Wow, and I thought it was sketchy getting into the Tasman Hut! This climb also became steep and we had to navigate an icy ridge above a shoot which put us at the base of the hut. That Icy ridge was sketchy on a snowboard, my fear of heights, and the fine tremors running up and down both legs did not help. Once across that ridge we stashed our gear safely behind some rocks, climbed up a snowbank to another ridge where Stefan secured a rope and Tony was the first to descend down and tie off the rope to a railing, a fall here would also surely result in death. We clipped into the rope with a carribiner that was attached to our harness and lowered ourselves down. Simple choices, do it or do it, the energy pulsating through my core was amazing, to be afraid and so full of life! 

This was a nice and spacious hut though much colder than the Tasman Hut. We ate lunch, signed the guest book and by the time we finished lunch the winds had begun to blow and gust, change of plans, split boards back together, helmets and goggles, extra layers......so much harder getting skins on and off with gusting winds, boards back together with frozen hardware and once this was down Emari and I still needed to navigate a heal side traverse across that icy ridge......it was more like a sketchy booty scoot just hoping we wouldn't slide into the shoot but once far enough across Stefan gave the green light to point it and we had a run back to the Tasman Saddle Hut. Out of our gear and into some dry clothes, warmer clothes. Emari taught a yoga class from the Tasman Saddle Hut Yoga Institute. I did the whole routine from our upper bunk, she taught from a small space on the floor, next to her was Sharon, Steve in a lower bunk but got up walked around doing some of the postures. Stefan and Tony occupied some tight floor space while Dave did the entire routine from a bench. Al was more concerned with what he would call, " a cup of tea and a lie down" and prepping for dinner. 

The weather deteriorated and we received a live weather report from Mt Cook and we were in for riding out a storm through out the night that brought 110 km/h winds and 30+cm of snow. It was looking like Mother Nature would deliver. Each passing day brought our crew closer and I felt very fortunate to enjoy the company of all we shared the hut with.....people that travel extensively and put themselves out there in the elements are truly a different breed.

Saturday August 27, 2011

Stefan's log: 27/08/11
Ski/Board in Hochstetter Dome Area, and skinned up left side of Tasman Glacier to Tasman Saddle Hut, (total change in elavation 2600m, distance 12km) 

We awoke to blue skies and a foot of fresh snow. This was my 100th day of riding this year and proved to be the most amazing. We had a short skin up to a higher line on the Tasman Glacier before our first descent down to the base of the Hochstetter Dome Area. An awesome first run and we all gathered up to look back at the art work we left behind, five lines laid out from top to bottom that never crossed. I was thinking, "it can't get much better than that!" I was wrong. We broke apart our boards and put them into touring/climbing mode and started our climb about 1/3 up the Hochstetter Dome and although it got steep, the fresh snow was actually easier to climb in, no ankle rolling since we were not on any firm crust. Boards back together  and as we all spread out and dropped this was the fruits of my labor, long drawn out lines in fresh snow and about halfway down tracking her own turns in untouched snow, Emari went flying by me, I smiled and laughed, but most of all felt elated and proud, this SheRex was bringing it full throttle. It must of been the end of that second run when I asked her sarcastically, "and how long have you been riding for?" the snow was so good, so fucking awesome we all agreed we wanted more of that. Stefan decided we'd take our skin track only continue to climb up towards the Summit, we'd break for lunch and get another run, though we would also make a few more descents down into the Tasman Glacier.

This climb became physically demanding for me, managing my temperature was the primary struggle. The sun was burning, not a cloud in the sky and the higher we climbed the hotter I became. Despite a single top layer and fully open vented shell jacket, no hat and no gloves, sweat and sunscreen burning my eyes to near blindness as well as fogged up sun glasses I felt like I was skinning by feel. By 1pm I had already drank my 2 liters of water. Only the thoughts of the fruits of my labor kept me pushing one ski in front of the other. At points my breathing seemed entirely too labored for comfort and yet the choice was simply, set a pace and continue, one step at a time became my mantra along with, "keep going mother fucker" and this is what I did. I was the last to make it, exhausted, humbled and grateful for the rest and food. Despite Emari almost losing one half of her splitboard as it slipped from her hands and took flight, she was not thinking about the safe area Stefan had marked off or crevasses, neither was I as we both set running after her board. It was her second diving effort that secure her board, perhaps both lucky that we did not fall into a crevasse, a reminder and lesson in how important it is to secure your gear.  

After lunch we put our boards back together, back packs on our backs, we buckled in and for me what lied before was the best run of the entire trip, possibly my entire life when I think about the area we were riding in, how small I felt. No lines were crossed, each of use painted a line down the glacier in fresh powder running it out deeper down into the Tasman. And yes you have to like to climb or at least acknowledge, it is an intregal and major part of the journey. We skinned up the left side of the Tasman Glacier and I was physically depleted, completely spent. Every time we came over a ridge I kept thinking, "just one more and we'll be back at the hut," how wrong I was. Again, I needed to break it down, set a comfortable pace...one step at a time, one step at a time. We covered a lot of ground. It just seemed standard at this point, Emari and I would be the last to arrive at the hut. At this point I did not even care, I was so glad to be back and slide what seemed to be broken feet from my boots.....I was beat up, so hungry when the cheese, salami, crackers and humus were put out as a pre dinner snack I became the "salamitarian".....I did not give two shits what I was eating, I just needed to consume. We all ate a lot of food, I may have been in bed by 8pm though I had a minor freak out when Emari woke me to say she was not feeling well and wanted to borrow my head lamp, it seemed windy outside. It seemed like she was gone for 20 minutes or more and of course my crazy brain started to think the worst, that she slipped and fell to her death, how would I even deal with this, explain this to her parents how I drug her off to some glacier to climb and ride with merely 1.5 years of riding experience........how the fuck do you explain that? Panicked, with the light of my watch I was scurrying through our bunk trying to find her head lamp, put some clothes on and go looking for her when I heard the hut door open, the reflection of the head lamp in the glass......I was relieved!

Sunday August 28, 2011

Stefan's log: 28/08/11
Ski/Board through icefall and into Climbers col area, skinned to hut via right side of Tasman Glacier ( 2000m total ,10.5km )

Riding through this incredible and immense ice fall was breath taking and raised some challenges on a snowboard which Emari and I mustered through, mainly regulating speed and a few places that warranted climbing out of. I surely did not want Stefan's job here, navigating a route through this ice maze. At points it was like we were in an ice cathedral, this glacier, these mountains, this ice field, the immensity......I was reminded how small I actually was, how insignificant I was and am and yet so alive. After the icefall we skinned up an area known as the Climbers Col area, filled with crevasses, but once again Stefan put us in amazing snow. I cam remember it was pretty damn steep the are we stopped, the small working platform I had created to put my board back together, secure my pack, break down my poles, stand in my bindings with shaking legs as I bent over to buckle in.......another amazing run in fresh snow. This was the fruit that left us with a three hour climb back to the hut.......one step at a time. Halfway back we stopped to be educated on avalanche rescue and transceiver search. Emari and I managed to make it back before nightfall.

Monday August 29, 2011

Stefan's log: 29/08/11
Ski/Board down Tasman Glacier to Darwin Corner, (5.5km, 900m), Helicopter to MtCook Village, Car to Wanaka.

Both parties would awake to breakfast, packing up our gear, packing out the rubbish, and cleaning up the hut. This was the last day of our tour, one more skin up and and more of a long cruise down into the Tasman Glacier where it was previously arranged that our Heli would pick us up at 11am. Our packs were waited down, I couldn't tell you how much they weighed, but it seemed to be at least double in weight. Some minor adjustment riding with a pack so heavy. We had all of our gear in a pile waiting for the helicopter and when it arrived we stayed low handed gear to be loaded, found our seats, Emari up front, seat belt connected head set on so you could communicate with everyone in the Helicopter. It was a short flight out as we landed in Mt Cook Village. We unloaded the helicopter and loaded the car, changed into some dryer gear, used real toilets, running water. Both parties agreed to meet up for lunch at the Mt Cook village and we ended up eating at the Hermitage. 

Three hours later we were back in Wanaka , at the office unloading gear. Dave had offered his home to shower and even stay to all of us, an offer  we shouldn't refuse and didn't. It was the best damn shower and shave of my life. It reminded me of the surf charter I did in Indonesia, coming into Padang Port, the $5 hot shower and massage, the kind where they walk on your back. We all agreed to go out to dinner, a pub in Wanaka, quite good and glad that Stefan joined us. We did stay the night at Daves and the next day we got organized and gave ourselves two days to make the ferry in Picton, it was a lot of driving.

So in summary, what did this whole Summit to Sea experience mean? I think it was a humbling reminder that their is so much more than me, that in feeling small I could experience feeling so alive. I was reminded that we make many choices, the major one for me out on that glacier was not to give up, to meet the physical demands and challenges, to welcome suffering which made every turn that much more rewarding. I was reminded that traveling takes you out of your box and perhaps what I will remember most was the people we met, their stories, our stories and life experience shared, the laughs we shared, the food we shared and the reminder that life is short their are no guarantees, so hurry up and get the fuck out their and do more of what you just did. Finally, it was amazing to share this experience with a partner, who never gave up, never complained (except about her boots and feet), challenged herself beyond anything I would've imagined and snowboarded like a champ, smiling ear to ear.....perhaps the fruits of her suffering......truly a gift to have such an amazing partner to share such an amazing experience with. Rest assure their will be more........

New Zealand done............next?

Jumping to September 4, 2011.....Sunday

Made it to the airport to find out our Qantas flight back to the states was cancelled, lucky for me Emari has a cool head and the airline had already booked us on an Air New Zealand flight to San Francisco where we will clear customs and get on a American Airlines flight to JFK. Resent e-mail check confirmed our friends Jamie and Caroline are aware of the changes and will pick us up same day 9pmish. Soon to be back to the grind!